pain? what pain?

perhaps it's because of a recent art class, but I'm looking at the monster bruise on the heel my hand and feeling awe at its beauty.

The learnings from my art class brought into my awareness the multitude of colors that are present in skin tones.

When Tessa Nunn - my oil-on-canvas teacher - described the process of painting skin it involved observing a spot of skin (with all the shadow, lighting, reflection and so forth that favors the dermis to reveal its true tones) finding or mixing that that color within my palette and then painting that one point on the canvas figure with that color.

It's the culmination of those spots that make the skin tone - no blending required. i guess that's why the Crayola coloring of my youth looked so odd. no one has an exclusively peach colored flesh tone. Duh. so obvious now.

Last night I went skating with my friend Steffi D and whoopsy daisy I 'banana peeled' right onto my left hand with a heavy thud. I fell hard, and frankly I think I'm quite fortunate that I didn't break anything.

After the endorphins wore off and the cold of the evening set in, my palm began to throb. A hot pulse surged behind chilled skin. fast forward to today, and it really just looks more traumatic that it is. mostly it's just a gorgeous bruise with amazing colors - not unlike a romantic sunset or the snow glow @ dawn.

Looking down at my hand - focusing in on a point finding new shades and hues and splotches - I feel inspired to paint this beautiful boo-boo before it quickly heals away.

Who knew a bruise could be so entertaining?

Pablo, my soul twin

Pablo Picasso once said "I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them. " I think that's an accurate reflection of the way I operate...because for someone who feels firmly wedged into the humdrum 9-5 bump & grind money trap I sure do a lot of fun & exciting things. Wouldn't it just be great though if my mind didn't feel that way, I still did tonnes of fun & exciting things, just more frequently?

The other day, when I was fretting about finances I decided that every time my head went into that space I would automatically stop that thought right there and say to myself: how can I bring more abundance into my life? And then wait for an answer. The first time I did it I happened to be fussing in my head while filling up my gas tank. After my mini-mind-intervention silence followed and then it dawned on me: buy a lotto ticket. It just so happens that I won $10 from that ticket.

Is buying lotto tickets my ticket to the gravy train? I believe it is one of the infinite tickets to the life of my dreams. More importantly though, is noticing that when i stop worrying and start creating (or being open to ideas and taking action upon these ideas) that abundance (often in the form of money) flows into my life. Even small increments count, in my opinion.

That works perfectly with my plan of doing all those things I can't.

still in love

It seems appropriate to publically serenade chocolate, since it's been so good to me all these years - specifically raw chocolate...which has brought my adoration for this nut to a whole new level.

It just keeps giving and giving and giving, without expecting anything in return. It opens my heart and my mind and it inspires me to be the best me I can be every time I'm around it. Plus it's friggen totally good & healthy for me. Bonus! It's no wonder I bat my eyelashes every time I'm around this yummy rich goodness.

Nutritionally, David Wolfe sums it up nicely in this short video.

Avocado on Raw Cacao

Mmmm. Natures medicine.

dear universe: style me!

One of my life goals is to have a personal stylist. Someone that I consult with on a regular basis on what looks best on me, what my image is communicating, where I want to take my hair, etc, etc.

Why do celebrities often look so dang ingenious with their looks? They've paid someone to help then get there. In the classic work smarter not harder mantra - the savvy celebrity let's someone else do the thinking for them.

And I'm convinced that good style makes others happy and incites them to find their own stylespiration. Even with all my hippy tendencies, watching Anna Wintour & Grace Coddinton work their magic amidst the fashion world in The September Issue (of Vogue) was completely inspiring. NYC here I come. I also like that I'm more excited than ever to look my best while keeping my values close: not spending frivolously or purchasing trendy, disposable clothing; opting for natural, organic, sustainable fabrics that feel good against my skin as often as possible, buying second hand or consciously made items...choosing items that have at least a 50-50 fashion-function ratio. it just makes sense!

I've always loved fashion, and while for the most part I've tamed the consumerist beast that ruled me from deep within for so many years...i still want to look good, I still enjoy taking part in the textile expression. The right hair, outfit, shoes and attitude can make an ordinary day extraordinary.

This morning my sister - who's gifted in the style area- took it upon herself to 'style' me. She took my style, tweaked it...and the rest of the day flowed like an ormus filled spring from the mountain earth. Complements, synchronicities, synergies ensued.

Coincidience? I think not.

And it's nice to know that my goal isn't even that far out of reach.

my modern ark

The other day my mind drifted to a piece of land my family owns out in the middle of somewhere. It's a lovely parcel of earth, with rolling trees & brooks and deer & bunnies. What's not to like, really. It's one of those 'things' in my life that I like knowing is there...even though I can't say i've used it that much. I remember my dad took my sis and I cross country skiing there once upon a time.

When I thought of our familial soil the idea to build an Earthship came to my mind. And of course I went to someday not too many thoughts after. An impromptu google search later and I find that with the proper course of action I could be pretty much good to go and living in my very on earthship on my grandpa's ole farm in 8 life changing weeks. Or at least have a place to retreat to every now and then.

And the modern ancient technology that is required to build these structures inspires me to get back to my ancestral roots and life off the land with modern conveniences. As it's said: Amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic

Sure it's not basking in mountainous glory, but I've seen the sunsets out there...and this place beholds the quiet beauty akin to the serious actor vs celebrity or the nerd next door vs the obviously 'cool', popular kid.

Yep. Gotta manifest me an Earthship. Might need to sail away soon.

embracing my inner hick

there came a point not too long ago when I realized that I not only am I not New York socialite material - it's actually cool that I'm my own brand of me. Sure I might not be as refined or well read as I'd prefer...but it seems that what I've got going on might actually be better for the planet than if i was any other way.

Maybe it's better that I like riding in trucks and banjo solos and camping and I prefer my men handsome & handy log driver types rather than doctor-merchant-lawyer varieties. Perhaps it's preferable that I eat out of the pot and lick the bowl clean rather than holding back for fear of being judged a lil' piggy. Maybe rocking zits n freckles & rogue hair is refreshing in a world that revers porcelain skin and silken locks.

I recall spending an evening with a Rhodes scholar law student and his wealthy merchant father one evening at a friends place in Montréal. She made some sort of eggplant dish, and Monsieur Rhodes was delighted with my friends preparation of Aubergines. "yes, these aubergines are delicious", I chimed in. "You don't have to call them aubergines, you know", he scoffed... referring to my eggplant upbringing. At the time i was a touch taken back but still rolled with it. I mean, I can spot a weiny a mile away - so I just raised my brow and walked on.

In the end, I ate the $90 petite box of chocolate his father brought over for dessert right before his eyes, and I commend myself for showing those two how to enjoy the evening (and still keep my figure!!). Embrace the guests, and enjoy luxurious confections to the max.

I suppose that while I'm quite rough n tumble in some ways, I'm progressive in others - like adopting a non-harming vegetarian diet, embracing my femininity and working to evolve planetary consciousness by sorting and moving through my own emotional crap.

My pursuit of superhero status began with disliking myself and trying to be someone else; my superhero being will realize itself when I absolutely love who I am and let all my über essence shine through. Slowly but surely and more and more I am embracing that point.

the cacao activation process

I ate a copious amount of raw cacao during the weekend...in addition to many other super star foods like mulberries & raw honey & mesquite & lucuma & almonds & vanilla bean caviar fresh from papa new guinea. exciting exotic ingredients with intoxicating aromas and titillating tastes.

This past Saturday I was at a raw chocolate making workshop put on by Malcolm Saunders where we got hands on experience in the cacao craft. It was super fun and it's so damn simple i can't believe I've never even made my own chocolate before. Ridiculous!

After the teaching and the tastings...covered in cacao powder and vanilla dust I realized that I felt absolutely HIGH off food. Surrounded by my fellow chocolate makers, us babes were giggling and playing like children in a park after a couple of hits off the bong. A stark contrast to my persnickety grumpy self earlier that week.

Am I what I eat? I AM what I eat.

Last night too, after desserting with another batch of my home made raw chocolate bar jammed packed with exotica I laid in my bed buzzing. My whole body vibrated - not in the jostled caffeinated way...but in an activated way - as though I've tapped into a reserve that was waiting for me if i just figured out the code.

Chocolate had always had an effect on me...but now i'm delving into deeper territory. Now I'm creating my own with the best ever ingredients, intention & love. Now I'm properly dosing myself.

this is my kind of medicine.