the lotto club

On my birthday last week, in a somewhat tipsy state, two of my favorites and I sauntered into a Mac's convenience store, each chose some numbers, and bought a lotto ticket.

We didn't win that time, but from there the lotto club was born. I like this idea. A lot.

I feel that I'm doing a lot of stuff to propel my life forward- reinventing myself in micro baby steps. This is what I tell myself I'm doing anyway.

I'm working many angles - improving in my role at my current j.o.b., bettering my appearance, regularly taking courses that propel my business mind & spiritual sense forward, etc. And now the lotto club. Playing chance with intention, regularly.

This rounds out my efforts. It almost feels like an act of surrender. I will playing this game with enthusiasm, visualization, purpose and detachment to the results.

Really, it's just great practice for a way of being...and the end results have lucrative potential.

a self-actualizing mind dump

I'm feeling oh-so-reflective these days...and so i just need to dump my minds inventory online for public record. or my record. whatever. I read an article in synchronicity magazine over a year ago and it's still swirling in my head. Enter mind dump.

If I stopped what I was doing right now and took an inventory of myself, I'd recognize that I have the capacity, talent, direction, mission & calling within myself to work towards my goals & dharma - as do the rest of us. it's less about acquiring that special skill and more about 'actualizing' what we already have. We are the best; we are already enough!

American psychologist Abraham Maslow presented a theory of psychological health through studying people whom he called "self-actualizing", or in layman's terms: healthy & creative.

A self-actualizing person

• is reality oriented
• is accepting of oneself & others
• is spontaneous
• is problem-centered, rather than self-centered
• is detached & needing privacy
• is independent
• has fresh, rather than stereotyped appreciation of people
• has had a mystical or spiritual experience
• identifies with the human race as a whole
• has a few deep, intimate relationships
• has a philosophical rather than bitter sense of humor
  
• has creative resources
• is resistant to conformity
• is transcendent to one's environment.

Carl Rogers, another an influential American psychologist, agreed with most of what Maslow believed, but added that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).

I guess you can have great seeds & fertile soil - but without sunlight & water nothings going to grow.

In other words though, to self-actualize is to fulfill one's potential and achieve the highest level of 'human-beingness' we can. And what better way to live than to enjoy being a human to to the max - creating the ultimate human experience for ourselves. fuck yeah. being human rocks!

It's like before enlightenment & ascension comes self-actualization.

thoughts?

arrival

written 02-03-04

stretching in the light of the microwave

legs straight & palms on the floor

waiting for my heating pad & my moment to come.

it takes less than three minutes for my heat pad, but my moment has no arrival date

no foreshadowing of its occurrence

no hint of it's magnitude or flavor

only hope assures me that it will one day come.

waiting instead of seeking

ga ga goo goo

Everything I do matters. From getting up in the morning and brushing my teeth to starting a company to dating someone to deciding what to do on the weekend. It’s all a part of the make-up that is me. I am the culmination of every choice I’ve ever made in my life, from conception.

And when it comes to doing things each day with intention – that’s when the mighty baby step comes in handy. I only have to do a little each day to get a ton done.

The baby steps that I take aren’t for the distance they cover but to put myself within reach of life's magic.

As the Universe says, I don't hoist my sails to move the boat, but to put myself within reach of the wind. Hoist, baby, hoist, baby, 1, 2, 3.

Just like I don't sing in the car to be heard.

pain? what pain?

perhaps it's because of a recent art class, but I'm looking at the monster bruise on the heel my hand and feeling awe at its beauty.

The learnings from my art class brought into my awareness the multitude of colors that are present in skin tones.

When Tessa Nunn - my oil-on-canvas teacher - described the process of painting skin it involved observing a spot of skin (with all the shadow, lighting, reflection and so forth that favors the dermis to reveal its true tones) finding or mixing that that color within my palette and then painting that one point on the canvas figure with that color.

It's the culmination of those spots that make the skin tone - no blending required. i guess that's why the Crayola coloring of my youth looked so odd. no one has an exclusively peach colored flesh tone. Duh. so obvious now.

Last night I went skating with my friend Steffi D and whoopsy daisy I 'banana peeled' right onto my left hand with a heavy thud. I fell hard, and frankly I think I'm quite fortunate that I didn't break anything.

After the endorphins wore off and the cold of the evening set in, my palm began to throb. A hot pulse surged behind chilled skin. fast forward to today, and it really just looks more traumatic that it is. mostly it's just a gorgeous bruise with amazing colors - not unlike a romantic sunset or the snow glow @ dawn.

Looking down at my hand - focusing in on a point finding new shades and hues and splotches - I feel inspired to paint this beautiful boo-boo before it quickly heals away.

Who knew a bruise could be so entertaining?

Pablo, my soul twin

Pablo Picasso once said "I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them. " I think that's an accurate reflection of the way I operate...because for someone who feels firmly wedged into the humdrum 9-5 bump & grind money trap I sure do a lot of fun & exciting things. Wouldn't it just be great though if my mind didn't feel that way, I still did tonnes of fun & exciting things, just more frequently?

The other day, when I was fretting about finances I decided that every time my head went into that space I would automatically stop that thought right there and say to myself: how can I bring more abundance into my life? And then wait for an answer. The first time I did it I happened to be fussing in my head while filling up my gas tank. After my mini-mind-intervention silence followed and then it dawned on me: buy a lotto ticket. It just so happens that I won $10 from that ticket.

Is buying lotto tickets my ticket to the gravy train? I believe it is one of the infinite tickets to the life of my dreams. More importantly though, is noticing that when i stop worrying and start creating (or being open to ideas and taking action upon these ideas) that abundance (often in the form of money) flows into my life. Even small increments count, in my opinion.

That works perfectly with my plan of doing all those things I can't.

still in love

It seems appropriate to publically serenade chocolate, since it's been so good to me all these years - specifically raw chocolate...which has brought my adoration for this nut to a whole new level.

It just keeps giving and giving and giving, without expecting anything in return. It opens my heart and my mind and it inspires me to be the best me I can be every time I'm around it. Plus it's friggen totally good & healthy for me. Bonus! It's no wonder I bat my eyelashes every time I'm around this yummy rich goodness.

Nutritionally, David Wolfe sums it up nicely in this short video.

Avocado on Raw Cacao

Mmmm. Natures medicine.