cinco de mayo nap index

the nap index is high today. I would love to snuggle up at home and just nod off to outside sounds. Maybe it's the fresh May snow or the gloomy skies or that Mercury is in retrograde or that the moon is in its third quarter-whatever is going on in the space of things I feel destined to take a nap today.

When the nap index is high and I seize the opportunity I have the best dreams. By best I mean vivid, random, adventurous and memorable. It's as though this nap allows a midday purge from the obscure recesses of my mind; the creative rivers of my brain to merge together with this space into a neat alpha-delta style dance.

Tapping into this reminds me of the things that make me happy.

Of course today I could shake things up and wear a sombrero while I siesta.

those grey areas

what if I confessed my love to my long-term crush? at least he'd know. Or leveled with my boss that I would rather quit my job and move to Manhattan? he'd know too. or clarify with others all those hundreds of unknowns that could be known so there'd be less wondering. more 'stake holders' would be in the loop. less guess work. more openness. mmmmmm.

what would really change, except that I wouldn't have all this stuff hanging over my head? Longing for something better...looking for greener grass. wanting, yearning. Perhaps I would just state these facts and boom - it would pass through like a satisfying meal. or wash over like morning rain. it could be akin to catching and releasing a fish. Or wearing eye glasses - finally. I would recognize what is. period.

I'm a little over "ambiguity" these days. I want clarity (of where I'm taking myself), focus (on getting myself there), power (pour forth, my dear creativity). I'd also like to spend a day - ONE WHOLE DAY - recognizing that I'm awesome. Feeling that I'm a successful person. Enjoying being me in full color rather than my depressing hues of grey.

Grey seems to be one of the most overrated colors of last season.

the sunset experience

I've always considered myself a sunset aficionado. I love sunsets, I could watch them every night if I just actually did it. Sunrises tickle my fancy as well, but being that I'm less of a morning person and more of an evening person I tend to enjoy Mr. Sunshine the most when he's getting ready for his evening slumber.

ANYWAY, a couple of Sunday's ago I was strolling down Venice beach with my friend Amanda right around Sunset. We decided to move towards the water and take it in...

In all my years of sunsetting, as i'll call it, I had never observed the activity that breathes within a sunset. i've looked at one and noticed a static pattern of exhilarating colors; I've captured it countless times with my camera or my minds eye. But this time, the sunset was more like a flicker of a kaleidoscopic candle behind glazed glass.

As the sun sank behind the horizon, it shimmered through the colors of the rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet flashed before my eyes... activating my chakras. And even after the sun was gone, its glow still surged from beyond the horizon - as if it wasn't done lighting that blissful, blessed day.

Oh yeah.

That day, I watched the sun set for the first time.

my trunk runneth over

Last week I as at Guerrilla Business School in Orange Country. I learned a lot about running a business, negotiation techniques and more on marketing from successful multi-millionaires & billionaires. It was fun, I promise.

With all the information that was exchanged last week, there's one tidbit that's still ringing in my head like the "dental plan/Lisa needs braces" scene from the Simpsons circa 1993. I can't remember which speaker shared this, but apparently the state of your car trunk is a fairly good physical representation of one's mind.

If that's the case, then I suppose my life makes a lot of sense. My trunk is STUFFED with various things, some useful, some not - but really when I go to find things in there it's total chaos. Especially at night when actual visibility is at a minimum. Also, my friends & comrades who see the state of my truck find it ridiculous.

Metaphorically speaking, I'm not doing myself any favors keeping my trunk in this sorry, disorganized, overfilled state.

For all the amazing learning I was able to do last week, what I really need to is clear some space for all these teachings to land. One of the most resonant things I learned about a running a business so far is to do some Spring cleaning when things get out of hand.

I'll keep you posted if I become an overnight guerilla business genius after cleaning out & organizing the ass end of my car.

a 'Lá Fhéile Pádraig' kind of message...

Today, on this gorgeous, gloomy day, i feel inspired to share a private note I received earlier this morn.

The slate's been wiped clean, the past has released its grip, and before you sparkles eternity, yearning for direction. Krystyna, all that lies between you and the life of your dreams is just one teeny, tiny, gentle, little rule. Only one condition, prerequisite, principle that matters.

This caveat of all caveats is that absolutely nothing can be anything until it is first imagined. Thoughts become things, nothing else does. And so, Krystyna, it's the thoughts you choose from here on out that will become the things and events of your life, forevermore. It is written in stone. There's no other way. It's your ticket to anywhere you can dream of. Your passport to abundance, health, and friendships. The key to the palace of your wildest dreams.

Your thoughts, and your thoughts alone, will set you in motion. Your thoughts will yield the inspiration, creativity, and determination you need. Your thoughts will orchestrate the magic and inspire the Universe. Your thoughts will carry you to the finish line if you just keep thinking them. Never give up. Never waiver, doubt, or ask.

Aim high.

That you've even received this Note, that you're able to read it through, means you are so close. So extraordinarily close. The hardest work has been done. The wars have already been waged. The lessons have already been learned. The journey, now, is for home.

Ain't no Blarney,
The Universe

the lotto club

On my birthday last week, in a somewhat tipsy state, two of my favorites and I sauntered into a Mac's convenience store, each chose some numbers, and bought a lotto ticket.

We didn't win that time, but from there the lotto club was born. I like this idea. A lot.

I feel that I'm doing a lot of stuff to propel my life forward- reinventing myself in micro baby steps. This is what I tell myself I'm doing anyway.

I'm working many angles - improving in my role at my current j.o.b., bettering my appearance, regularly taking courses that propel my business mind & spiritual sense forward, etc. And now the lotto club. Playing chance with intention, regularly.

This rounds out my efforts. It almost feels like an act of surrender. I will playing this game with enthusiasm, visualization, purpose and detachment to the results.

Really, it's just great practice for a way of being...and the end results have lucrative potential.

a self-actualizing mind dump

I'm feeling oh-so-reflective these days...and so i just need to dump my minds inventory online for public record. or my record. whatever. I read an article in synchronicity magazine over a year ago and it's still swirling in my head. Enter mind dump.

If I stopped what I was doing right now and took an inventory of myself, I'd recognize that I have the capacity, talent, direction, mission & calling within myself to work towards my goals & dharma - as do the rest of us. it's less about acquiring that special skill and more about 'actualizing' what we already have. We are the best; we are already enough!

American psychologist Abraham Maslow presented a theory of psychological health through studying people whom he called "self-actualizing", or in layman's terms: healthy & creative.

A self-actualizing person

• is reality oriented
• is accepting of oneself & others
• is spontaneous
• is problem-centered, rather than self-centered
• is detached & needing privacy
• is independent
• has fresh, rather than stereotyped appreciation of people
• has had a mystical or spiritual experience
• identifies with the human race as a whole
• has a few deep, intimate relationships
• has a philosophical rather than bitter sense of humor
  
• has creative resources
• is resistant to conformity
• is transcendent to one's environment.

Carl Rogers, another an influential American psychologist, agreed with most of what Maslow believed, but added that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).

I guess you can have great seeds & fertile soil - but without sunlight & water nothings going to grow.

In other words though, to self-actualize is to fulfill one's potential and achieve the highest level of 'human-beingness' we can. And what better way to live than to enjoy being a human to to the max - creating the ultimate human experience for ourselves. fuck yeah. being human rocks!

It's like before enlightenment & ascension comes self-actualization.

thoughts?