Wednesday, April 21, 2010

those grey areas

what if I confessed my love to my long-term crush? at least he'd know. Or leveled with my boss that I would rather quit my job and move to Manhattan? he'd know too. or clarify with others all those hundreds of unknowns that could be known so there'd be less wondering. more 'stake holders' would be in the loop. less guess work. more openness. mmmmmm.

what would really change, except that I wouldn't have all this stuff hanging over my head? Longing for something better...looking for greener grass. wanting, yearning. Perhaps I would just state these facts and boom - it would pass through like a satisfying meal. or wash over like morning rain. it could be akin to catching and releasing a fish. Or wearing eye glasses - finally. I would recognize what is. period.

I'm a little over "ambiguity" these days. I want clarity (of where I'm taking myself), focus (on getting myself there), power (pour forth, my dear creativity). I'd also like to spend a day - ONE WHOLE DAY - recognizing that I'm awesome. Feeling that I'm a successful person. Enjoying being me in full color rather than my depressing hues of grey.

Grey seems to be one of the most overrated colors of last season.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

the sunset experience

I've always considered myself a sunset aficionado. I love sunsets, I could watch them every night if I just actually did it. Sunrises tickle my fancy as well, but being that I'm less of a morning person and more of an evening person I tend to enjoy Mr. Sunshine the most when he's getting ready for his evening slumber.
ANYWAY, a couple of Sunday's ago I was strolling down Venice beach with my friend Amanda right around Sunset. We decided to move towards the water and take it in...
In all my years of sunsetting, as i'll call it, I had never observed the activity that breathes within a sunset. i've looked at one and noticed a static pattern of exhilarating colors; I've captured it countless times with my camera or my minds eye. But this time, the sunset was more like a flicker of a kaleidoscopic candle behind glazed glass.
As the sun sank behind the horizon, it shimmered through the colors of the rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet flashed before my eyes... activating my chakras. And even after the sun was gone, its glow still surged from beyond the horizon - as if it wasn't done lighting that blissful, blessed day.
Oh yeah.
That day, I watched the sun set for the first time.