Thursday, March 22, 2012

I came here to cry

This past equinox I spent exploring the wondrous Machu Picchu. Such beauty. The mountains surrounding the ancient ruins are ginormous and covered in trees, and these huge mounds BREATHE. And the river that flows around the base of this whole scene ROARS. This place is powerful.

Somehow I knew when I got here that I would cry. I wasn't sure why, I just knew I would. I had heard countless stories of others experiencing the same thing...feeling overwhelmed at the beauty, and so forth.

And so the tears came. Hiking up WayuPicchu I had a humbling moment. Unable to keep up with my 24 year old counterpart I felt terribly inadequate. For all my athleticism, I was still acclimatizing to the altitude, with a sore hip that decided to make itself felt just that morning. But I still wanted my body to work perfectly - I demanded it. Note to future travellers of Machu Picchu: check your ego at the door.

Red in the face I came to a terrace where my friend Rebecca was waiting, and I sobbed in defeat as I caught my breath. Why do I need to be perfect? What is perfect? My pace is the ultimate pace. Why am I letting the pace of others affect my self worth? Somebody give me a stiff drink.

Later I sat looking out at the valley near the top of the mountain and laugh-cried. It started raining, and it felt like we were being showered with sparkles. How fortunate am I to be here? And....I'm working. I am blessed. Gratitude fills my heart.

Atop WayuPicchu it was electric - our hair standing straight up. We were chased down the mountain by a guard who feared we'd be struck by lightning. Ha: what a way to go.

In the moment though, all that electricity made me feel alive, aware of my own mortality.

What I experienced this day is what could literally be described as the alchemical charging of the human being.


Friday, March 16, 2012

The wound is where the light enters

I've been in Peru for a few days now, and things for me have been up & down. It's challenging on many levels. For example, the altitude makes simple actions like walking up a hill a total chore. Well...I guess walking up a hill can be a chore anyway, but still. An even bigger chore.

There is something about this place. It's like all the crap inside of me is shining in my face. Intense feelings of jealousy and inadequacy and melancholy are bubbling from deep inside of me. Where is all this coming from?

I guess this is a "better out than in" experience, and also emotions worth acknowledging. If I can get to the root of all this discontent, then I can open myself to feelings that are more.....wonderful.

I don't know what else to say, except bring in the light.