Monday, August 22, 2011

master of my own domain

At times, I find myself overviewing a just-lived scenario that could have gone better. I generally figure out the perfect thing I could have said. By perfect i mean a response that I would have been satisfied with - knowing in that moment all of my values & beliefs and heart were expressed in that oral or action transaction.

Sometimes a conversation or scenario doesn't go my way, but somehow it's absolutely perfect.
This is common, actually. I wanted the falafel, I got the avocado salad, and turns out, I LOVE the avocado salad. Falafel what?

When it's more in the "this feels really shitty, and I'm still getting a grip on why this fucking blows so much", though, it sucks.

Oh what to do? How to be? Do I get angry? Do I accept it all? Where's the perfection of it all? Is it time to bust out the "Silent Treatment"?

A silent protest. FYI: This doesn't jive with me.

How would an enlightened person handle this situation? Oh wait - let me guess. Enlightened people wouldn't have this situation come up in the first place.

Looks how easy it is to be sarcastic in a situation like this.

I wonder if negotiation mastery, killer wit, well timed comebacks and epic retorts have a large connection to a persons ability to fully speak or express their truth in every moment. espresso.

Because gosh darn geez I would LOVE to be there.

Look at how much fun the black eyed peas have. YAY! I'll have a serving of that.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

the new monogamy

monogamy is one of those words that has a charge. perhaps it might invoke feelings of boredom, or "long term" or limited choice.

looking up the definition of monogamy on does turn on the gag meter slightly. It just seems so old hat, just like that expression.

The actual marriage part of monogamy aside, there are parts I am attracted to. Less about "until death do us part", the idea of being fully present with someone in a given moment has a monogamous vibe to it.

This monogamousness can apply to both romantic & non-romantic relationships.

We invite monogamous moments into our life, particularly when we're with someone special. And by special I mean holy. Less a long term commitment, and more showing respect & reverence for the person we're with at that time. Hey, I like you. I'm going to honour you while we're sharing a space together.

It's so simple. And it makes everyone involved feel so good!

Instead of slutting around texting other people while I'm in conversation with someone, for example, I'm giving them my full attention.

This is a challenge - being present for someone in the midst of cyber interruptions, and other temptations. This is what makes the concept of monogamy of the moment (as I like to call it) that much more special.

Sure at some point I'll have to turn my attention to others. After all the only sure thing in life is change.

But in the moment we're respectfully sharing it together whole heartedly.

The new monogamy is about loving the one you're with and giving them your full attention, even if it's just for a weekend.

Friday, August 12, 2011

spell it out & pay attention

I get many internal messages to write more. And of course the ambitious part of me thinks - yes! A book! It is my dharma to write a book!

It very well is. However, it's more about processing my life. writing it out to see what I'm really thinking about, and more - feeling. I can evaluate what's floating in my head one "unit" at a time, like looking at balloons floating around the room.

The space of the air in between the balloons is all I need to distinguish what is up in the world of me.

My fast paced life has enabled me to value my personal time to a greater degree. I have to make much more of my private moments than I might have previously.

Carpe diem, relish in my solitude when it presents itself - and get the stuff I need to do that is so vital for me done. The things I do when I have some space include meditating, yoga, hiking in the forest, reading, thinking and writing. This is what needs to happen behind the scenes for all the "showtime" moments to really shine.

For me to be my best, my calmest, my strongest, my sharpest, my slyest, my sweetest, my neatest, my most graceful - socially and physically - these are the tools I use to be there.

When these are neglected....I've noticed that the bumps are a little bumpier, and vivid colors aren't as bright.

All these valuable tools, with one in particular that I could use more.

Writing has always yielded me profound tangible results - answers that i can refer to later. A reference point.

This is perfect because I've realized that when I just let my mind flow through my fingers and let them dump into an empty word doc the realizations flow too.

The most important reference point of all flows through: gratitude. Free flow writing allows me to tune into what I'm grateful for.

It also points to perceived deficiencies. Questions like: "do I feel supported by __ at this moment?" might fall into this category.

Word processing. Literally.

It's time spent efficiently, which seems quite important right now. Yes, stop & smell the roses. Of course, always. But keep on keeping on. We can't just hang out and smell roses all day. There is a lot of work to do in this world right now. We must pay attention.

Write it out. Know what I'm feeling. Use it to propel me forward.
It's a recipe.

shown above - Andy Warhol's Silver Clouds installation at the AGA.