arrival

written 02-03-04

stretching in the light of the microwave

legs straight & palms on the floor

waiting for my heating pad & my moment to come.

it takes less than three minutes for my heat pad, but my moment has no arrival date

no foreshadowing of its occurrence

no hint of it's magnitude or flavor

only hope assures me that it will one day come.

waiting instead of seeking

ga ga goo goo

Everything I do matters. From getting up in the morning and brushing my teeth to starting a company to dating someone to deciding what to do on the weekend. It’s all a part of the make-up that is me. I am the culmination of every choice I’ve ever made in my life, from conception.

And when it comes to doing things each day with intention – that’s when the mighty baby step comes in handy. I only have to do a little each day to get a ton done.

The baby steps that I take aren’t for the distance they cover but to put myself within reach of life's magic.

As the Universe says, I don't hoist my sails to move the boat, but to put myself within reach of the wind. Hoist, baby, hoist, baby, 1, 2, 3.

Just like I don't sing in the car to be heard.

pain? what pain?

perhaps it's because of a recent art class, but I'm looking at the monster bruise on the heel my hand and feeling awe at its beauty.

The learnings from my art class brought into my awareness the multitude of colors that are present in skin tones.

When Tessa Nunn - my oil-on-canvas teacher - described the process of painting skin it involved observing a spot of skin (with all the shadow, lighting, reflection and so forth that favors the dermis to reveal its true tones) finding or mixing that that color within my palette and then painting that one point on the canvas figure with that color.

It's the culmination of those spots that make the skin tone - no blending required. i guess that's why the Crayola coloring of my youth looked so odd. no one has an exclusively peach colored flesh tone. Duh. so obvious now.

Last night I went skating with my friend Steffi D and whoopsy daisy I 'banana peeled' right onto my left hand with a heavy thud. I fell hard, and frankly I think I'm quite fortunate that I didn't break anything.

After the endorphins wore off and the cold of the evening set in, my palm began to throb. A hot pulse surged behind chilled skin. fast forward to today, and it really just looks more traumatic that it is. mostly it's just a gorgeous bruise with amazing colors - not unlike a romantic sunset or the snow glow @ dawn.

Looking down at my hand - focusing in on a point finding new shades and hues and splotches - I feel inspired to paint this beautiful boo-boo before it quickly heals away.

Who knew a bruise could be so entertaining?

Pablo, my soul twin

Pablo Picasso once said "I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them. " I think that's an accurate reflection of the way I operate...because for someone who feels firmly wedged into the humdrum 9-5 bump & grind money trap I sure do a lot of fun & exciting things. Wouldn't it just be great though if my mind didn't feel that way, I still did tonnes of fun & exciting things, just more frequently?

The other day, when I was fretting about finances I decided that every time my head went into that space I would automatically stop that thought right there and say to myself: how can I bring more abundance into my life? And then wait for an answer. The first time I did it I happened to be fussing in my head while filling up my gas tank. After my mini-mind-intervention silence followed and then it dawned on me: buy a lotto ticket. It just so happens that I won $10 from that ticket.

Is buying lotto tickets my ticket to the gravy train? I believe it is one of the infinite tickets to the life of my dreams. More importantly though, is noticing that when i stop worrying and start creating (or being open to ideas and taking action upon these ideas) that abundance (often in the form of money) flows into my life. Even small increments count, in my opinion.

That works perfectly with my plan of doing all those things I can't.

still in love

It seems appropriate to publically serenade chocolate, since it's been so good to me all these years - specifically raw chocolate...which has brought my adoration for this nut to a whole new level.

It just keeps giving and giving and giving, without expecting anything in return. It opens my heart and my mind and it inspires me to be the best me I can be every time I'm around it. Plus it's friggen totally good & healthy for me. Bonus! It's no wonder I bat my eyelashes every time I'm around this yummy rich goodness.

Nutritionally, David Wolfe sums it up nicely in this short video.

Avocado on Raw Cacao

Mmmm. Natures medicine.

dear universe: style me!

One of my life goals is to have a personal stylist. Someone that I consult with on a regular basis on what looks best on me, what my image is communicating, where I want to take my hair, etc, etc.

Why do celebrities often look so dang ingenious with their looks? They've paid someone to help then get there. In the classic work smarter not harder mantra - the savvy celebrity let's someone else do the thinking for them.

And I'm convinced that good style makes others happy and incites them to find their own stylespiration. Even with all my hippy tendencies, watching Anna Wintour & Grace Coddinton work their magic amidst the fashion world in The September Issue (of Vogue) was completely inspiring. NYC here I come. I also like that I'm more excited than ever to look my best while keeping my values close: not spending frivolously or purchasing trendy, disposable clothing; opting for natural, organic, sustainable fabrics that feel good against my skin as often as possible, buying second hand or consciously made items...choosing items that have at least a 50-50 fashion-function ratio. it just makes sense!

I've always loved fashion, and while for the most part I've tamed the consumerist beast that ruled me from deep within for so many years...i still want to look good, I still enjoy taking part in the textile expression. The right hair, outfit, shoes and attitude can make an ordinary day extraordinary.

This morning my sister - who's gifted in the style area- took it upon herself to 'style' me. She took my style, tweaked it...and the rest of the day flowed like an ormus filled spring from the mountain earth. Complements, synchronicities, synergies ensued.

Coincidience? I think not.

And it's nice to know that my goal isn't even that far out of reach.

my modern ark

The other day my mind drifted to a piece of land my family owns out in the middle of somewhere. It's a lovely parcel of earth, with rolling trees & brooks and deer & bunnies. What's not to like, really. It's one of those 'things' in my life that I like knowing is there...even though I can't say i've used it that much. I remember my dad took my sis and I cross country skiing there once upon a time.

When I thought of our familial soil the idea to build an Earthship came to my mind. And of course I went to someday not too many thoughts after. An impromptu google search later and I find that with the proper course of action I could be pretty much good to go and living in my very on earthship on my grandpa's ole farm in 8 life changing weeks. Or at least have a place to retreat to every now and then.

And the modern ancient technology that is required to build these structures inspires me to get back to my ancestral roots and life off the land with modern conveniences. As it's said: Amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic

Sure it's not basking in mountainous glory, but I've seen the sunsets out there...and this place beholds the quiet beauty akin to the serious actor vs celebrity or the nerd next door vs the obviously 'cool', popular kid.

Yep. Gotta manifest me an Earthship. Might need to sail away soon.