embracing my inner hick

there came a point not too long ago when I realized that I not only am I not New York socialite material - it's actually cool that I'm my own brand of me. Sure I might not be as refined or well read as I'd prefer...but it seems that what I've got going on might actually be better for the planet than if i was any other way.

Maybe it's better that I like riding in trucks and banjo solos and camping and I prefer my men handsome & handy log driver types rather than doctor-merchant-lawyer varieties. Perhaps it's preferable that I eat out of the pot and lick the bowl clean rather than holding back for fear of being judged a lil' piggy. Maybe rocking zits n freckles & rogue hair is refreshing in a world that revers porcelain skin and silken locks.

I recall spending an evening with a Rhodes scholar law student and his wealthy merchant father one evening at a friends place in Montréal. She made some sort of eggplant dish, and Monsieur Rhodes was delighted with my friends preparation of Aubergines. "yes, these aubergines are delicious", I chimed in. "You don't have to call them aubergines, you know", he scoffed... referring to my eggplant upbringing. At the time i was a touch taken back but still rolled with it. I mean, I can spot a weiny a mile away - so I just raised my brow and walked on.

In the end, I ate the $90 petite box of chocolate his father brought over for dessert right before his eyes, and I commend myself for showing those two how to enjoy the evening (and still keep my figure!!). Embrace the guests, and enjoy luxurious confections to the max.

I suppose that while I'm quite rough n tumble in some ways, I'm progressive in others - like adopting a non-harming vegetarian diet, embracing my femininity and working to evolve planetary consciousness by sorting and moving through my own emotional crap.

My pursuit of superhero status began with disliking myself and trying to be someone else; my superhero being will realize itself when I absolutely love who I am and let all my über essence shine through. Slowly but surely and more and more I am embracing that point.

the cacao activation process

I ate a copious amount of raw cacao during the weekend...in addition to many other super star foods like mulberries & raw honey & mesquite & lucuma & almonds & vanilla bean caviar fresh from papa new guinea. exciting exotic ingredients with intoxicating aromas and titillating tastes.

This past Saturday I was at a raw chocolate making workshop put on by Malcolm Saunders where we got hands on experience in the cacao craft. It was super fun and it's so damn simple i can't believe I've never even made my own chocolate before. Ridiculous!

After the teaching and the tastings...covered in cacao powder and vanilla dust I realized that I felt absolutely HIGH off food. Surrounded by my fellow chocolate makers, us babes were giggling and playing like children in a park after a couple of hits off the bong. A stark contrast to my persnickety grumpy self earlier that week.

Am I what I eat? I AM what I eat.

Last night too, after desserting with another batch of my home made raw chocolate bar jammed packed with exotica I laid in my bed buzzing. My whole body vibrated - not in the jostled caffeinated way...but in an activated way - as though I've tapped into a reserve that was waiting for me if i just figured out the code.

Chocolate had always had an effect on me...but now i'm delving into deeper territory. Now I'm creating my own with the best ever ingredients, intention & love. Now I'm properly dosing myself.

this is my kind of medicine.

ode to fridge magnets

a day & a drink to believe in

slowly, between like minds

smile through a fight

a dark joke & a light dinner

share this silent idea

composed in my apartment by me and a bf from times past .

My ADHD: Attention Drawn to a Higher Dimension

Recently at a super awesome David Wolfe event I attended in Cowtown I learned many profound things surround the following concept: the subtle energy of your food becomes your mind. I forget who’s words those are (Einstein?) but they’re fricken genius (obviously).

These words charge the passion that stirs within me...as the quality of my food (and water and thoughts for that matter) have been swirling in my consciousness for years now. That I understand and recognize these subtle energies shows that I've accepted this level of awareness into my being. Every choice that I make is articulated by that concept. And...communicating this message to others has become important to me...although I'm not sure how effective my efforts have been. I might have to work on my strategies, tactics & delivery.

I do wonder what space an individual's heart & head has to be in to accept the notion of the subtle energies of food affecting their mind. I've talked to my family about these things for example...and to a certain extent they seem to logically understand. Yet their actions speak louder than words - still choosing to consume fast food, conventionally grown produce & meat and packaged goods, etc. which don't exactly contain the subtle energy of illumination. Clearly there's a disconnect.

I truly want to understand this disconnect better but I guess this is where I lose my steam - if the subtle energy of food resonated with them their choices would be different. I don't want to judge - that doesn't help...but then I don't want to eat those foods either when they're served up at celebrations, etc. To me, they're GROSS. Disgusting really. So 80's, and not the part of the 80's worth reviving for the sake of style & entertainment.

Of course, they think what I eat is just plain weird too...but I'm just going to stick with it. At some point I know things are going to start smelling like roses for me all the time. On some dimension they already do. I just gotta tap into it. Meanwhile, until then, I'll relish in the fact that I'm harnessing the energy of the best food available and let my mind sort out the rest.

new school orange julius

Refreshing & delicious, this new age orange julius goes great with those lingering childhood memories of strolling through the mall on weekends or of hanging out in the food court after school acting all bad-ass n'shit.

1 cup fresh squeezed orange juice

1 tbsp best ever raw, wild crafted honey

1 tbsp Hemp Seeds

1 tsp raw ground vanilla beans

1 tbsp coconut oil

½ ripe banana

½ cup spring water

handful of ice

Blend until smooth, pull up a hammock, and enjoy.

thanks malcolm saunders for the inspiration.

el healing crisis-o

hmmm. for someone who advocates a healthy lifestyle, i sure find myself sick often. Just this week - after spending a week at a seminar eating less then preferred food (despite my best efforts), sitting in air conditioning and sleeping less than normal & traveling via airplane I find myself on the lip of a sinus-y mucous wave. Sure last week was challenging, but shouldn't my immune system be super charged for these exact events?

Beyond my super sensitivity to 'the norm', I feel I should be at a place where my immune system has got my back any day of the week. Ugh. there's that word - should.

In other words I aim to feel awesome everyday - I spring out of bed and all is dandy. And yet here I am...just a few weeks since my last bought of grossness. It makes me wonder, if my diet is in check for the most part, is it my environment that's not serving me? is it my emotions? my thoughts? perhaps I'm allergic to my job.

I want to radiate health always - I don't have the time for illness frankly. And being that I'm ridiculously open minded, I've tried EVERYTHING. From the best pills the pharmacy has to offer to the finest wildcrafted organic superfoods. There doesn't seem to be a cure all for me. Perhaps I have an underlying belief system - it works for everyone but me. Reflecting on my whole life...I have to wonder what the reach is for this belief system of mine - in terms of money, relationships, health - do I genuinely feel that 'it works for everyone but me'? I digress. We could discuss that for a week easily.

Of course, I could just accept this illness with open arms - allowing this purge to happen and recognizing that it's 'better out than in" and perhaps this ebb now will prevent a tsunami in the future. Oh thank you stuffy nose and nasty cough for expelling yourself from my system - making room for all the love, light, success and boundless energy I desire.

turns out: no one likes needy.

When it comes to being attractive to the opposite sex, does confidence trump nose jobs, weight loss and brand name clothes? I’m inclined to say that it does.

Although if you had great confidence AND THEN got a nose job, lost some weight and got a ‘what not to wear’ style make over – these could really made a person ridiculously delicious. Perhaps this is what makes a rock star.

Anyway…

According to self proclaimed expert Mirabelle Summers, bone fide personal acceptance & love is all you need to attain to be über attractive to the opposite sex. Too bad you can’t buy this eau de “I am worthy” in a bottle at Neiman Marcus for $150. Cheap! Nope, the kind of confidence that's based on a genuine acceptance of yourself comes from the courage of doing ‘inner work’ on a daily basis, and knowing you’re awesome just the way you are.

Let’s break it down. We all know that:

• People who are insecure are unattractive and needy. Red alert! It’s interesting how they project themselves to others and almost encourage others to continue treating them in the way they see themselves. It’s wacky.

• Most people live their daily lives out of fear and anxiety, believing that if they can just get X to happen (make a million dollars, get that biker boyfriend, lose twenty pounds), those negative feelings will go away and they'll be 'happy'.

• But…if a person is fearful and anxious this is simply a reflection of themselves and how they habitually deal with the world, not a reflection of what's happening in their life. Woo-woo. It’s starting to get deep over here!

• Until a person changes how they deal with themselves at a root level, they will never be able to change those behaviors and will continue to be at the mercy of insecurity and anxiety. Ew!

• And this spiral of negative emotions highlights their insecure behavior – especially around those lovelies that they want to snuggle with or get closer to - poisoning their ability to create lasting, fulfilling, and healthy relationships. Oh oh.

• When actions are motivated by insecurity and anxiety, this shows through to the quality of beings (or lack of beings) in a person’s life ... usually in the form of validation-seeking (tell me I’m beautiful – please?) relationships and verifies that yucky feeling of lack. Needless to say, this usually drives quality people away (ie NOT a chick or dick magnet).

• The only way an individual can take care that their behavior is consistently coming from their confident higher self is to deal with insecurity at the root. That line in Jerry Maguire when Jerry says “you complete me” is bullshit. A person completes themselves. In other words, the man or woman of your dreams won’t make you happy until you’re just plain ole happy all by yourself. Yep.

Once this happens, all the anxious-insecure-fear tainted behaviors these peeps weren’t even aware of vanish like a Criss Angel illusion. Instead, you’ll find a person that exudes an innate strength and certainty that not only draws positive situations and people into their lives, but that the opposite sex finds oh so sexy.

Well shit…that’s almost as easy as buying some ‘eau de I love myself’ at Neiman Marcus. Thank Gawd I’m totally confident. Phew.